False Bottom in Tub of Famous Dave's Barbeque

Wow, this is a lot of food!

Bogus container bottom

Famous Dave's Barbeque markets their beef, pork and chicken in grocery stores, and it is quite tasty. Unfortunately, the container is deceiving. The bottom is concave from the outside making the volume of the container significantly smaller than it appears.
As a side note, President Bush appointed Famous Dave (Anderson) in 2003 as Assistant Secretary of Indian Affairs in the Department of the Interior's Bureau of Indian Affairs. Unfortunately, he resigned after only a year.

Edible Decals NOT Smokable

...attempting to light the edible decal

...attempting to smoke the edible decal

Edible decals are, in fact, not smokable. I tried several times to smoke the Mickey Mouse decal. The paper-like substance refused to ignite sufficiently and only smoldered for a second. A feeble attempt to inhale any smoke resulted in a noxious chemical-laden puff that left me wondering what the fuck I was doing.

Technorati Tags: Disney, smoking, food

Edible Disney® Tortilla Decals Review!

Edible Disney® tortilla decals

...on a tortilla

...on a hot dog (DMCA violation?)

...on a pluot®

I wrote about edible Disney® tortilla decals a while back -- I finally received mine in the mail! These edible decals (are edible decals a mainstream food item? I've never heard of such a thing...) are made of some kind of thin paper-like substance which I suspect is some kind of starch. They tastes like sweetened paper, dissolve readily in the mouth, and do not pair well with zinfandel (trust me on this). Nonetheless, it is fun to put them on various food items. I tried a tortilla -- the decals don't stick. I had more success with a hot dog because the moisture on the hot dog makes the decal adhere to the food. Then, of course, I had to try a pluot®.
This is fun for about 2 minutes. They look ridiculous. Even my five-year-old even thinks it is stooopid.
In my next post, I make good on my promise to find out if these decals are smokable.

Technorati Tags: Disney, food

Olestra Doublespeak

Ruffles Light ingredients label

As you probably know, olestra is a "no-fat cooking oil" invented by Proctor & Gamble and marketed under the brand name Olean. First of all, olestra is fat. It's just a type of fat that is not absorbed by the human body, so it does not "count" as fat intake in our diets. The fact that olestra is actually fat is the reason it has the same taste and texture properties of fat. Aside from the oft-cited anecdotal side effects such as "anal leakage" (how inconvenient!), one should probably be most concerned about the fact that consumption of olestra inhibits the absorption of fat-soluble vitamins and cartenoids. Cartenoids are nutrients like beta-carotene, lycopene, and lutein that are widely believed, although not proven conclusively, to be beneficial to fighting heart disease and cancer.

Since consumption of olestra reduces your body's ability to absorb vitamins A, D, E, and K, snacks made with olestra are fortified ever so slightly with these vitamins to make up for the lost absorption. But here's the rub: these vitamins are added, but are not considered to have a dietarily significant effect on the body. So, why do they bother??? From Proctor & Gamble's Olean nutritional FAQ:

Vitamins A, D, E and K dissolve in both regular fat and olestra. Because olestra is not absorbed by the body, some vitamins dissolved in olestra will also not be absorbed. Therefore, a specific amount of these vitamins are added to Olean snacks to offset this effect. This addition ensures that Olean will not reduce your vitamin levels below the U.S. recommended daily intake regardless of how much or how often you eat Olean snacks.

But then, it goes on to say later:

The small addition of fat-soluble vitamins to Olean foods is not large enough to offer any nutritional benefit.

WTF? Why bother adding it if it does not have any nutritional impact? I assume the FDA made them add it, but why? My solution is to simply not eat these foods and to read the warnings from the Center for Science in the Public Interest.

Technorati Tags: food, Olean, olestra, fat, nutrition

Pluot Life Magazine

Ok, only one more post about pluots. Here is the cover for this month's issue of Pluot Life magazine, courtesy of the cool magazine cover maker by flagrantdisregard.

Disassembled #7: Salmon with Basil

Ooh, "Spa Cuisine"!

Disassembled. This spa sucks.
Click for flickr notes.

This was my most difficult disassembly yet. The package says that this meal is "spa cuisine". That sounds fantastic! I think I'll get a massage after I eat this. Well, perhaps my expectations were too high -- I was dreaming of a spa in St. Tropez where exotic married-yet-available brunettes walk around in black bikinis and expensive sunglasses. This spa, however, was a roadside resort just outside Laughlin, Nevada where the only other people that seem to be staying there are that obese couple from West Virginia.
This spa sucks.

Disassembled Series:
Disassembled #1
Disassembled #2
Disassembled #3
Disassembled #4
Disassembled #5
Disassembled #6

Technorati Tags: food, processed food

Isn't Everyone Drinking Pluot® Juice?

Juicing pluots® is messy work

10 ounces of pluot® juice
Cost to produce: $4.43

Serving suggestion

I can't get over how delicious pluots® are! I decided to squeeze them to enjoy the juice. This was very labor intensive and messy, not to mention expensive. The cost to produce 10 ounces of juice was $4.43 for the fruit and about 20 minutes of labor, but it was worth it. I hope to start a pluot® juice craze. Here are some ways that you can help me create buzz about pluot® juice. Make sure you act kind of snobby about it, too.
...at a restaurant: "I'd like a glass of pluot® juice. Thanks." ("Huh?")
...at a bar: "I'll have a vodka and pluot® juice with a cranberry garnish." ("Huh?")
...having breakfast with your in-laws: "Orange juice? No. I only drink pluot® juice."
...talking to your doctor: "I've been drinking a lot of pluot® juice because it's, like, so good for you."

If I weren't so lazy, I'd market pluot® juice as PluotonicTM brand pluot® juice. Anyway, the juice was delicious and gave me a feeling of general well-being. As vice-president of PJAM (Pluot® Juicer's Association of Minnesota), I recommend that you demand pluot® juice wherever you go.

A Pluot®? WTF?

A pluot®

I was at the grocery store today looking for some fresh produce, and came across a fruit called a pluot®. WTF? I've never heard of a pluot®. They look like plums, but have a slightly lighter color and are extremely soft. I bought a couple of them to give them a try. The verdict? Absolutely delicious. The flesh is very juicy and flavorful, and the skin has a tangy bite. Time to learn more about this strange, exotic fruit!

One of the first things I noticed is that the name "pluot®" is a registered trademark. Huh? Is this genetically modified? Cooked up in some laboratory by a huge corporation? Time to hit Google. Hard.

Turns out that pluots® are a cross between a plum and an apricot.

An initial cross between a plum and an apricot is called a plumcot (1984; also: plum-cot), and the resulting hybrid is 50% plum and 50% apricot. Cross the plumcot with yet another plum and the result is the pluot: 75% plum, 25% apricot.

Pluots® were "invented" by a legendary fruit breeder named Floyd Zaiger, and "Pluot®" is a registred trademark of Zaiger's Genetics of Modesto, CA. All pluots® are produced by the Dave Wilson Nursery, which is the sole licensor of fruit varieties developed by Zaiger's Genetics. According to the Dave Wilson Nursury website, there are actually many varieties of pluots®, and I believe I got "Flavor Jewel" pluots®. Zaiger's Genetics has actually patented these varieties. I didn't know you could patent a fruit -- technically, it is the tree that is patented. Read about plant patents on the United States Patent and Trademark Office website.
So, here's what we have: a pluot® is a patented invention, a single grower is licensed to produce pluots®, and the name "pluot®" is a registered trademark. I just wanted to enjoy some fruit, but now I feel like I need to get a lawyer.

Breakfast of Cannibals

Tiny humanoid cereal pieces

Mighty Bites cereal tastes fine, but is shaped like little humans. Am I the only one that finds this disturbing? What are we teaching our children? Isn't anyone sensitive to the horrible fate that has befallen so many soccer teams? Or maybe we are supposed to pretend that didn't happen as we enjoy a crunchy bowl of Mighty Bites. As I chew each mighty bite, I can hear Charlton Heston crying in anguish, "It's people! Mighty Bites cereal is people!"

Technorati Tags: food, cannibalism

Edible Disney Tortilla Decals

This is weird. On a package of tortillas, I found this mail-order offer for edible Disney tortilla decals. What a strange concept, I thought. I've never heard of decals that you put on tortillas, or any other food for that matter. Perhaps there is some huge tortilla decal fad that I just don't know about? Is this some hot food trend? Nope. I googled for it, and came up with almost nothing. The only hits are in reference to this very offer, notably the BoingBoing post from a while back. So, there's no such thing as tortilla decals, people.
I ordered them, of course. I can't wait to try them, but I have to wait 4 weeks to get them. I assume that they are in fact edible.

But are they smokable? Stay tuned...

Technorati Tags: Disney, Food

Disassembled #6: Three Cheese Stuffed Rigatoni

THREE cheeses! Not one, not two...

Disassembled. Click for flickr notes.

I wish I could identify the three cheeses that are allegedly stuffed into this rigatoni. It's difficult for me to enjoy something unless I can find it.

Disassembled Series:
Disassembled #1
Disassembled #2
Disassembled #3
Disassembled #4
Disassembled #5
Disassembled #7

Technorati Tags: food, processed food

Confusing Ingredients List on Cashews

This list of ingredients is very confusing. The ingredients are from USA, India and/or Vietnam and/or Africa. Does that mean that there are definitely ingredients from USA and India? And maybe ingredients from Vietnam and (and/or?) Africa? Africa is a big place -- could they be more specific? I don't think they know where the nuts came from at all.

Disassembled #5: Creamy Basil Chicken

OMG, I'm SO hungry!

Disassembled. Click for flickr notes.

Creamy Basil Chicken is quite delicious and surprisingly nonoffensive when disassembled. Each component was readily identifiable. The chicken, however, is covered with bogus brown marks which are probably made from caramel coloring. Does anyone really think that chicken in frozen dinners is roasted such that it would turn brown on the outside?

Disassembled Series:
Disassembled #1
Disassembled #2
Disassembled #3
Disassembled #4
Disassembled #6
Disassembled #7

Technorati Tags: food, processed food

Strangely Terrible Mexican Snack Foods

They look tasty...

These snack foods, which are Mexican in nature but made in the U.S., are horrible. Habas con chili y limon are broad beans with a chili and lemon seasoning, and cacahuates Japoneses con chili are Japanese style peanuts with chili seasoning. WTF? The beans aren't too bad from a taste perspective, but the peanuts taste terrible. The peanuts are coated with some bland, non-sweet material that ruins perfecly good peanuts. The Japanese must really hate peanuts, or at least that's what the Mexicans think.
But, the worst thing about these snacks is that both are so hard, I almost broke a tooth. If I had eaten much more, I certainly would have cracked a molar and needed a crown. Crowns are so expensive that many Americans are traveling to Mexico as medical tourists. So, these hardened snacks may be part of Mexico's economic strategy. Brilliant!
Strangely, these snacks are not included on the Good Sense Snacks web site. Are these a secret?

Disassembled #4: Swedish Meatballs

Looks awesome.

Disassembled. Click for flickr notes.

Noodles, "meat"balls, and a beige sauce that has a purple tinge to it. This meal tastes pretty good -- unfortunately, it doesn't look good when disassembled into its components. The components are harder than usual to identify, so I simplified a bit. If I were hungrier, I could eat two of these meals. The "meat"balls have a reasonable meat-like texture considering they are made of...ok, I admit it. I was afraid to look at the ingredients this time. Sorry.

Disassembled Series:
Disassembled #1
Disassembled #2
Disassembled #3
Disassembled #5
Disassembled #6
Disassembled #7

Technorati Tags: food, processed food

Faux Skin on Deli Meat? WTF?

Looks good in the package.

Still looks pretty appetizing.

The "skin" is rubbery.

Skin graft (dramatization)

I often pick up a quarter breast of Jennie-O Turkey because it is convenient and tastes good. But if you think too much about the "skin" on it, it becomes decidedly less appetizing. What is this skin? Is it real skin? No. It is fake. WTF?
I decided to try to find out how it is synthesized. Research on the internet indicates that this "skin" is made by smoking the hunk of meat until the ingredients of the turkey form a skin-like covering. I'm not sure, though. It seems like something made from a coloring. I figured I should call the Consumer Response Department at Jennie-O Turkey. I called the toll free number and decided ahead of time to address the representative as "Jennie" regardless of her real name. Here is the transcript:
Representative: "Hi, this is Bonnie. How can I help you?"
Me: "Hi, Jennie. I have a question about Extra Lean Turkey Breast."
[At this point, it took Jennie about 3 minutes to figure out which product I was even talking about. I had to visit the Jennie-O web site so I could describe it accurately...]
Me: "There is some sort of skin on the outside. Is that real turkey skin?"
Jennie: "I'm trying to get some details of what that could be..."
[...long pause...]
Jennie: "It's all an edible product."
Me: "Yes, it's edible, it's just very strange. It's rubbery."
Jennie: "Hang on..."
[consults with coworker for several minutes]
Jennie: "Yes, it's all edible."
Me: "I know it's edible, but I'm just trying to figure out what it is and how it is made."
Jennie: "I'm not sure. There's no casing you have to remove."
Me: "It's very lifelike. I think maybe it could be used as a human skin substitute -- like for a burn victim. What do you think?"
Jennie: [uneasy, ignores question] "It has no actual casing at all."
Me: "Ok, I'll let you go. Thanks."
Jennie: [relieved] "Have a nice day."

Well, there you have it. It is edible. (But don't eat it.)
Links:
foodproductdesign.com
Deli Product Knowledge

Technorati Tags: food, processed food, turkey

Disassembled #3: Chicken with Almonds

Tasty!

Disassembled. Click for flickr notes.

What do you get when you disassemble a frozen dinner? Not much, it turns out. Here you go:

• chicken - 1/2 cup
• rice - 2/3 cups
• green beans - 1 Tbsp
• broccoli - 1 1/2 Tbsp
• almonds - 1 Tbsp
• yellow carrots - 1 tsp
• sauce - 2 Tbsp

I only found 7 ingredients, though the package listed over 40, including "ferric phosphate" and "flavors".

Disassembled Series:
Disassembled #1
Disassembled #2
Disassembled #4
Disassembled #5
Disassembled #6
Disassembled #7

Technorati Tags: food, processed food

Disassembled #2: Beef Pot Roast

Looks delicious.

Disassembled. Click for flickr notes.

And now another entry in the Disassembled series. Lean Cuisine Beef Pot Roast. Here are the ingredients I found:

• beef - 1/3 cup
• whipped potatoes - 1/2 cup
• green beans - 1 Tbsp
• carrots - 2 Tbsp
• onion - 1 Tbsp
• celery - 1 Tbsp
• sauce - 1/4 cup
• unidentified - one piece

Disassembled Series:
Disassembled #1
Disassembled #3
Disassembled #4
Disassembled #5
Disassembled #6
Disassembled #7

Technorati Tags: food, processed food

Disassembled #1: Sweet & Sour Chicken

Packaging makes it look great!

Disassembled. Click for flickr notes.

Lean Cuisine Sweet and Sour Chicken has been disassembled with extreme prejudice. I like their new packaging, but that doesn't make the food any better. Here are the ingredients I found:

• chicken - 1/3 cup
• rice - 1/2 cup
• green pepper - 1 Tbsp
• red pepper - 1 Tbsp
• pineapple - 1 Tbsp
• carrot - 2 Tbsp

Disassembled Series:
Disassembled #2
Disassembled #3
Disassembled #4
Disassembled #5
Disassembled #6
Disassembled #7

Technorati Tags: food, processed food